This Mother's Day....

As the rest of my family drives away to a Saturday full of fun, I'm stuck at home, by myself.  Any other day I would rejoice in the peace and quiet but instead I'm trying to hold back my tears.  This Mother's Day weekend, I have to work.  I also am reflecting on Mother's Day pasts and what could have beens.  May 10, 2004 was the due date of our first pregnancy.  That pregnancy ended in miscarriage a week after we found out.  And, on that same day three years ago, I had my second miscarriage.  This weekend holds a special place in my heart.  I think about those two babies and wonder what would they have grown up to be had they survived.  According to the Chinese calendar for gender, both of those babies would have been boys:).  Oh, how our lives would have been different.

If we hadn't have lost the first one, I wouldn't have my beautiful Lauren and if we had not gotten pregnant with the third one, I wouldn't have known that we would have another child.  Brooke was an "oops" baby but she meant to be here no matter what.

I know that I will see those babies in Heaven one day and get to see their beautiful faces and I will know them immediately.  God is so good that way.

I'm not going to get to celebrate with family this Mother's Day weekend like most.  I will sleep it away. The joys of working night shift and also working weekends.  Mark and the girls took me out to eat last night and Mark bought me a beautiful potted plant.  Absolutely gorgeous.  Lauren came and snuggled with me this morning.  Mark is going to celebrate with his mom and family tomorrow evening. My family is getting together tomorrow evening as well.  We all are going to try and make that too.  If not, we will celebrate with my sweet Mama on Monday.  The one good thing about the rest of my immediate family being gone, is that when I get home in the morning, I can go straight to sleep and sleep and sleep.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the sweet mothers I know.  Your lives have been an influence on mine and for that I'm thankful.  Please remember those mothers who have lost their own mothers, have yet to hold their babies or had their babies taken too soon.  This day will be tough for them and they definitely need our prayers.


Happy Mother's Day!!

Failure, maybe?

This is something I have struggled with many times over my 34 years on this earth, failure. Starting something to only finish halfway or not even attempting before I even get started. In July it will be a year since I started WW. The last time I weighed like I was suppose to was February 22nd. As of that date I had lost almost 39lbs. I weighed this morning and I have gained about 13 pounds back. I'm not surprised.

We went to New York in December, then it was Christmas, then New Years and then I joined the gym and then life just got in the way. I quit tracking because I thought I could just keep up in my head. I thought well I'm maintaining this weight so I'm okay. Nope, doesn't work that way. I think I got burnt out on eating the same things over and over again. I got tired of tracking everything single thing on my phone. Stresses from life seemed to derail me as well. More often than not, I found myself eating ice cream, cake, chips whatever late at night after everyone else has gone to bed. I guess that was my distressing technique.

I failed again. I had goals that I wanted to reach. I had hoped to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight (like before Lauren) by this summer. If I had kept on track I would almost be there now. But instead I have got to lose this 13 lbs I have gained before I can keep going.

I will do this. I have to. I see what lies ahead for me in the future and I need to delay that for as long as possible, meaning diabetes, heart disease, and what ever else that will happen to me because I haven't taken care of this body.

I'm hoping that I can get back into exercising. I know this summer that is definitely going to be priority. I just know that I have to lose it. I have to get gung ho again and get back on track. I've done it before and I know I can do it again.

This week....

This week has been, in a nutshell, rough.  It was the first full week back at school for the older girls. We started our basketball season last week, I worked this past weekend, dance on Tuesday, I worked and had church Wednesday, Lauren had practice last night and Claire has practice tonight.  On top of this, we had a snotty and coughing little one.  I started trying to be good again with eating.  I joined the community gym yesterday.  I had my first choir practice as director (that one will have to have a post all its own.) And because we love to do things last minute, we worked on a reading project for Lauren that was due today.

Needless to say, we are all very tired and cranky, except for maybe Brooke.  Lauren and Claire have had meltdowns just about every night.  I'm cranky from working the weekend and not being able to catch up on sleep.  My house is a wreck as I haven't had time to clean or do laundry and there are about 100 loads to do.  Mark is recovering from whatever funk we all have shared and is exhausted. We don't have any downtime this weekend either because Upw@rds games start tomorrow bright and early!!  And Sunday, Claire is yoga-ing it with her Aunt Allie in Durham and we have to get up early to get her there and we have church.  I plan on the ENTIRE family taking a nappy poo on Sunday afternoon.

I'm hoping that next week, we'll be back in the groove and can get our act together and we won't have a reading project to work on either.:)

Weight news, I lost 2 pounds this week so that puts me now to 36.9 pounds total.  I think I'm starting to get to the point where exercise is going to be key for me.  I just need to get fully back into the program and not just every other day as this week has been.  I want to reach my goal by July 20, 2013 by golly I'm going to!!

Where have you Been??????

You know, when I started this blog, I thought I would be faithful to it.  Typing up a post each week, possibly more than once a week, really getting into it like some of my other friends who are awesome bloggers.  Well, as you can see, that I have not done.  I think the idea was great in my head but actually doing it, not so much.  Oh, well.  

I would like to change that in 2013.  Now, with that being "said", I will probably look back at this post in 2 months and think, "I thought I was going to be better about posting!"Anyways, I'm going to try again.

The last time I posted was in October.  We have had a lot go on since then.  The girls got their report cards, they were awesome.  I lost another 5 lbs (yay me!!).  Halloween, the big girls were witches and Brookie was their Hoot Owl.  Thanksgiving was good except my mom got the flu and then I got the flu(which by the way is SO NOT COOL).  Mark and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary (finally) with a trip to New York City in early December and I had reached my weight goal at the time and then promptly gained that weight back.  It's ok, I lost it because I was sick, not a good way to lose weight.

We saw Santa Claus, had our Christmas contata at church, all three girls have been sick and now we are in the new year!  Yay!!  

We did have a loss this past year.  My sweet Grandma Sibbett died on December 8, 2012.  She was 83 and went very peacefully.  She had alzheimer's and had gotten sick.  She went to sleep and never woke back up.  My mom and sister were with her when she passed and they said she went so peacefully.  I'm so thankful for that!!  It was hard because she was my only living grandparent.  Mark made a good point on the day of her funeral.  We lost Grandma about 10 years ago when the dementia/alzheimer's took away her memory and now we have lost her again.  The good thing with her though is she was never mean and was always happy!!  I know she is in Heaven with my grandpa just talking his ears off!!

I have a new adventure that I'm starting.  I'm the co-choir director now at my church!!  Myself and my good friend, Tracy, are going to be rocking the Baptist way in the Quaker church!!  I'm pretty excited but terribly nervous.  I have never done anything quite like this before and I know that I will do fine because its for the Lord!!

Lauren and Claire have just started UPWARDS basketball and we are all excited.  I think this season is going to be a good one.  I'm looking forward to watching develop their skills and hopefully fall in love with the sport.  I know their Daddy will be excited if they do!!  Brooke will enjoy climbing up and down the bleachers where as Mommy will not!!  She is on the go BIG TIME!!

Speaking of Brookie, she is such a joy.  Right now she has a terrible cold/cough and we were up late last night dealing with it.  She tries to be just like her big sisters, playing with their toys and trying to keep up with them.  She LOVES LOVES LOVES Dora!!!  She calls her "Backpack!"  We are trying to teach her to say "Dora" but she just says "Backpack."  She'll be going to kindergarten speaking Spanish.  She watches it constantly and because I'm a bad mama, I just let her.  It makes her happy and that makes me happy.  She is a good eater and loves juice!!  She loves fruit chews too.  She still has her paci but I think we could get rid of it if we wanted.  She loves her crochet blankets still too.  She can say Mommy, daddy, juice, backpack, boots, mine, yummy, bye-bye, hey, my, cat, and can make most of the animal sounds.  She loves Scruffie our cat and loves to play in the dog food:(.

As of today, I've lost around 35 pounds.  December was not a good month for me, I didn't watch it.  Too much was going on and I just couldn't concentrate on it.  I've started counting again and am hoping to join the gym in the next few days.  I would like to reach my goal by July, I have about 50 lbs to go.  

This is enough for now....hope everyone has a great weekend!!!

A Quarter Dropped....

Good morning Friday!!!  I love to say those words to my girls, they get so excited knowing that the next day is Saturday and they don't have to go to school.  I'm excited because we don't have to set the alarm clock for the next day.  Don't get me wrong, they both love school but they are McCain's and love to sleep so it's just hard getting them up some mornings.

As the title says, I have lost over 25 pounds!!!!   26.7 pounds in fact!! I'm a little over 2 months in and I'm super ecstatic about my progress.  Although, my little tracker fussed at me for losing too fast.  Oh well, it'll just have to fuss.  I want to be at a certain weight before we go to New York so it'll just have to fuss away!!  I'm loving the fact that some of my clothes don't fit anymore, I've given some away.  My watch is loose around my wrist, my wedding rings are loose.  I can finally fit into my old scrubs again and I'm not wearing the ones I wore at 8 months pregnant.  I can fit into some jeans that I wore before I got pregnant with Brooke.  Just good things are happening and I'm super stoked.  I'm far from my ultimate goal but reaching these milestones in between are little victories in themselves!!

Everyone is doing well.  Both Lauren and Claire had their interim reports sent home this week and they both are doing great!!  I'm so excited for both of them.  Lauren has finally got the routine of 3rd grade down pat and is focusing and paying attention a lot more.  Her grades are awesome as of right now so hopefully they'll just get better for the second part of the first 9 weeks.  Claire is doing just fine.  No problems whatsoever just like we all knew.  She just had one S- and that was because she sometimes writes her name with some capital letters snuck in there instead of the normal first letter is capital, the rest is lowercase.  Not that big of a deal, she already has corrected that problem:)

Brookie is leaving the baby stage and moving into the toddler stage.  She can say "mama, dada, juice, uh-oh, box, lala, bye-bye, baby, cat, woof-woof."  She said her first sentence last Sunday when I was leaving for work.  She said, "Bye-bye, Mama."  I was so excited!!  She is cutting 4 molars, two have already popped through on top and the two on the bottom are just before erupting.  Last week, I had to take her to the doctor because she was just covered in hives/welts from some kind of reaction.  We had been dealing with it for over a month and our remedies were just not working.  Dr. B seemed to think that she was still have some residual reaction to the virus/infection she had back in August and that it was just her body's way of getting rid of whatever was left.  He suggested giving her a long lasting antihistamine and sure enough, it worked!!  She is no longer covered in welts!!  Although, this week she has run an fever and not felt well but I'm contributing that to her teething.

I had a teacher conference over the phone yesterday with Lauren's teacher and she told me something that brought me to tears and made my heart swell so big with pride that I thought it might burst!!  We were ending our conversation and she told me she had something to share about Lauren.  She first started off by saying that Lauren is such a kind hearted child and that she is just so sweet.  She told me that Lauren reminded her of her grandma, my mama, by how kind she is and how she treats other kids. In 3rd grade they get what's called "eat with a friend" pass if they have good behavior.  Two students from another class received those passes.  Lauren's teacher told me that no one ever sat with those kids. She asked Lauren to go and sit with those children and instead of protesting or saying no, Lauren immediately said "Sure!!" and off she went like it wasn't a favor but a blessing to go sit with those kids.  She had no qualms about doing that at all.  I cried.  How wonderful it is to know that your child treats everyone with compassion and kindness and that she doesn't discriminate at all.  She doesn't care what you look like, if you are popular or not, if you wear awesome clothes, have dirty hair, what ever.  She is friends with everyone.  I have always prayed that God would give my girls kind hearts.  That they would always treat others the way they wanted to be treated and to never be ugly to others and Lauren does.  What a blessing!!!  I just cried and cried and thanked my Jesus for my sweet girl and her precious heart.  As soon as I got off the phone with her teacher and I found Lauren and told her how proud I was of her sitting with those kids and how proud Jesus was of her for being so kind.  She immediately wiped my tears and told me to quit crying.  She said, "Thanks, mama.  Now can you help me with my math homework?"  So humble.  I am so blessed.  My prayer is that she stays that way!!

School Days, School Days.....

School has begun and we are in full swing.  Back to the getting up early, homework and bedtimes.  We all have adjusted to the schedule okay but man, I miss my sleeping in.  Claire has started kindergarten and she seems to be enjoying it.  She has Mrs. Marley, who was Lauren's kindergarten teacher and I couldn't be more happy!!  She is such a great teacher and I know Claire is going to do phenomenally in her class!!  Lauren is in third grade this year and all I can say is its quite an adjustment.  Third grade is a whole different animal and we are all having a little trouble adjusting.  This is the first year of actual letter grades and testing and the teachers have a lot to teach the kids so they just throw it at them from the get go.  I don't like that at all!!  It's like they just throw the kids in the deep end and just expect them to know how to swim.  Some of the kids do just fine while others just sink and some even drown!! So far we are treading water.  I've had to talk with the teacher a few times.  Lauren is young for her grade and needs a couple of weeks to get back into the routine but I think we are slowly getting there.  She had a few issues that first week of school but I think things are getting better now.  They expect so much from the kids and I think Lauren's teacher does especially.  She is a no nonsense kind of person and I don't think she tolerates much.  That worries me with Lauren.  She is a very smart child but very sociable in the same token.  Teachers in the past knew how to deal with her but I'm not sure that this teacher does.  Hopefully as they get to know one another, she will learn what works best for Lauren and will help her do her very best.   That is all I can pray for and that I know as a parent I have to stay on top of her homework and making sure she does as she should.  I have had to let go a little and let Lauren take some responsibility for herself.  That is hard for me because I want her to be the best in all that she does, perfect even.  That's me trying to make Lauren be what I was in school and that just isn't going to happen:).  She has to be her own person and she will do just fine.  I can't make her be me. 

Brooke had her 15 month check up yesterday.  She is walking everywhere, climbing on everything, getting into EVERYTHING, and just being a plain mess:)!!  She weighs 23 lbs and is 31 in long.  I don't think she's as big as her sisters were at this age but that's ok.  She's wearing 18 month clothes, a very few 12 month and even a couple 24 month.  She is eating so well and starting to master the use of utensils.  She loves cheese, pancakes, cinnamon applesauce, rice, broccolli, ice cream and fruit snacks.  She is so funny when she wants something you are eating.  She opens her mouth like a bird and stick out her tongue and makes a "mmmm" sound.  She says "mama, dada, woof woof, " really well.  She has said a few other things but for the most part she just says Mama ALL THE TIME!!!!  Anytime she wants something its always "MAMA!!!"  When she climbs up the ladder to get to Claire's bed, which is all the time if the door isn't shut or the ladder put up, she starts calling out mama for me to come and see what she's accomplished.  She thinks she is hot stuff when she climbs up there.  She also has no regard for the word "no."  Maybe its because I say it so much it just goes in one ear and out the other with her:).  We have found that she is allergic to scented laundry detergent.  She whelps up where the clothes rub her skin and she looks like she has hives but the doctor said not to worry.  They eventually go away but look bad in the meantime.  She is just sensitive.

My weight loss is going okay.  Last week I gained 0.2 and was most disappointed but I had to consider that school started last week and I was stressed about that.  I also exercised A LOT and I think that I gained some muscle.  It could have been that we ate tacos the night before and the sodium caused some water weight.  I don't know.  But this week, I've actually eaten more and exercised less and I lost 3 pounds!!!  I'm so excited!!  My total weight loss is 18.5 pounds!!!  I've been on the program for a little over a month and I couldn't be happier with my results.  I can tell a difference in my clothes and jewelry.  I just have to keep at it.

We are heading to family camp this weekend and we are all excited except for Mark.  He's not looking forward to the lack of sleep but I think we are going to have a great time.  Just getting to hang out as a family and be amongst our church family is going to be a great time for fellowship and fun!!  Hope everyone else has a great weekend!!  I just hope I can be good while I'm there:)

Festivus....and a Virus:(

This is festivus week for Lauren.  Tomorrow is her 8th birthday!!  I can't believe it!!  We finally are able to get rid of one booster seat!!  Festivus started last Friday with a trip to the restaurant with the grapes with Nana, Aunt Allie, Aunt Heather and Cousin Michael.  We all had a good time.  Lauren received a gift card to Justice and we promptly went shopping afterwards to get her some cool clothes. Yesterday, I went and picked up Cousins Hannah and Jocelyn for a trip to Chuck E. Cheese and Coldstone Creamery and a sleepover.  Good times!! Today we will be heading to Petsmart to pick out a fish because that is the only thing Lauren has asked for this year for her birthday.  Tomorrow we are having our family party and the theme is "Brave."  We are most excited.

But, for the virus part, poor Brooke.  She woke up early Wednesday morning with a 104 degree temp.  Immediately in the bath we went and ibuprofen was given.  Later on that morning, I called the nurse line and was told it was a virus and just let it run its course.  It definitely is doing that.  Her fever goes up and then comes back down, she acts just fine and then is so clingy.  Last night was horrible.  I worked Wednesday night so I could have Saturday off and only slept for a couple of hours yesterday so I could go and get the cousins.  After our festivities, Brooke had started feeling better and didn't want to go to sleep.  I was dying.  I figured the party girls would keep me up but no, it was the baby.  She finally went down about midnight to only wake up screaming around 2:30 with another high temp.  I put her in the bed with me and needless to say, no one got a good night's rest.  She's acting ok now but I'm sure that that virus will kick start again and the cycle will start all over.  I HATE viruses!!!

Today is weigh in day too.  I lost 1.2lbs this week.  Not as much as the other weeks but I knew that would slow down.  I haven't been able to exercise at all this week and I haven't drank as much water like I know I should've.  I'm ok with it.  I wore some clothes last night that fit me a lot better and I didn't have rolls hanging out.  I made some lowfat foods for me to eat this week but I think I don't need to do that again.  I just eat too much of it.  I need to do better this coming week and step up the exercise.  So far in a month, I've lost 14.4lbs.  I'm pretty happy with that!!

Happy 8th Birthday, Lauren!!!  I love you my sweet girl!!