From the Mouths of Babes and then some....

This past Thursday after Lauren's soccer game, we went out to eat at our Sir Pizza.  While we were eating we got on the topic of diabetes somehow and I was trying to explain to the girls what that was and how someone can develop it, etc.  I was trying really hard not to say the word "fat."  I don't like to say that word in front of my girls, it is negative in my opinion and I don't want my girls to grow up with self esteem issues like I have.  So, in my attempt to explain to them about diabetes, I said that people who are large can develop it and soon as that came out of my mouth, Lauren looks at me and says, "Fat people like you, Mama."

From the mouths of babes, only the truth.  I sat there with my mouth wide open and then replied, "Yes, like me. People like me can get diabetes."  At that exact moment, reality hit me right between the eyes and finally saw myself for what I really look like.  My daughter, not knowing she was being unkind, brought it home for me.  I am obese and I need to do something about it.

I have struggled with my weight my entire life.  As a small child, I was skinny.  I remember looking at pictures of myself as a little one and thinking how pretty and cute I used to be.  When I began elementary school, that all changed.  I began putting on weight.  In first grade, I was the heaviest child in the whole class and I remember thinking I was fatter than all of my classmates, even at 6 years old.  That was when my need to please and become a perfectionist started, I would make everyone happy so they would like me since I was fat.

I remember boys picking on my in grade school.  My sister's used to pick on me, but I was the annoying little sister:). That continued on into middle school.  It was harder then because puberty came really quickly for me and that was something else I had to deal with.  In high school, I was always the "friend", never the "girlfriend."  I would see all of my girlfriends dating all the older boys and I can remember wishing I were like them and why didn't these boys like me in that way?  It was because I was fat.  Through my 4 years, I lost about 30 pounds.  By the time, I graduated I looked normal but I didn't think I was.  I look back now and can't believe I felt that way about myself.  I WAS normal.

Throughout college, I exercised and watched what I ate and tried to live a healthy lifestyle.  After Mark and I got married, I was blissfully happy and gained about 15 pounds.  I joined Weight Watchers a few months after we were married and lost about 25 pounds.  I was the skinniest I had ever been!!  I loved it and then we decided to start a family.  It's been down hill ever since.

I have never lost all of my pregnancy weight.  I have tried but to no avail.  So now, I'm about 80 pounds heavier than what I was before we had kids.  Last Thursday night, words spoken from my sweet girl has brought to light the denial that I have been in.  I know I'm fat, my clothes prove it.  The scales prove it. What I see in the mirror proves it.  I just didn't know what to do about it.  It was too overwhelming.

They say that breastfeeding will help you lose weight.  I never could.  The thought of trying to lose weight and maintain my supply was too daunting and so I chose to keep my milk up instead.  So for this past year, I have maintained the same weight.  I chose to make milk for my daughter instead of losing weight for myself and I made it a year as seen in my other post.  Now, I'm ready to help myself.

I don't want to look like this anymore.  I don't want my girls to have a fat mama.  I want them to have a healthy mama.  So, this past Friday I joined WW online.  It has worked for me in the past and I'm going to make it work for me now.

As I am typing this, tears are streaming down my face.  I am so ready to get this weight off and yet I'm so scared I'm going to fail as I have so many times.  I know that with hard work and determination I can do this.  Food for me is comfort, I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad.  I have to learn that food is a need and that is it.  It's going to be hard to break a habit that I have been doing for thirty three years.

I'm going to try and post about my progress on here.  My first weigh in is this Friday and I'm hoping for a good result.  I think if I have a good result it'll give me the motivation to keep going.  I also took a couple pictures of myself but I'm not ready to show those just yet.

I'm ready to focus on me.  For right now, we are done having children.  I'm ready to get my body back and do something for me.  Lauren, Claire, and Brooke need to have a healthy mama and I'm ready to give them that.  And, my hubby has also given me another reason to lose weight, we are going to NYC in December, just the two of us!!

I pray I can do this. I know the Lord helps those who helps themselves and I know that I  can do all things through Him that gives me strength. I need to always remember that!!!  This is going to be a long process but I know that.  I didn't gain it over night and I know that it's not going to come off overnight. I just pray that I don't get discouraged and that I keep my goals in check.

Here's to getting healthy!!!

An Ending to a Milk Era....

It has come to an end.  All of the hard work and determination I had for 12 months has ceased. Brooke drank her last breast milk bottle (her last bottle ever) last night.  I thawed out my last bag. It's kind of weird actually.  She's had a bottle literally every night for the past 13 months and now we are done.  I just hope that we can get her down tonight without a bottle.  Thank goodness for the paci and her blankie.:)

I made it for a whole year.  I pumped for an ENTIRE YEAR.  Do you know who awesome that makes me feel?  To accomplish a goal I set out to do even with some setbacks.  I'm so proud of myself.  Honestly, I didn't think I would make it.  Pumping was a full time job in and of itself but I was determined and doggone it, I did it!!!

I pumped for the last time on Brooke's actual birthday, May 27, 2012.  It was kind of bittersweet knowing that something I had done every day, sometimes multiple times a day was ending.  I was happy, don't get me wrong, knowing I didn't have to lug that pump everywhere I went.  I think at times I was more attached to the pump then I was Brooke.  My "girls" and I had a very intimate relationship and I will have to say I'm glad that that relationship is now over.

I look back of the last year and think how on this earth did I do it?  Juggling all the duties of a new baby, taking care of my 7 year old and her needs, my 4 year old and her needs.  Driving here there and everywhere to preschool, elementary school, dance class, church, the grocery store plus doctor visits and just every day trips.  All of this while my husband was out of town for the most part, working 18 hour days, leaving in the morning and not coming home until the kids were in bed.  I pumped through it all and I'm sure some people think it's not that big of a deal, but it was.  This past year was hard for me. For me, going from 2 independent children to 3 kids, one needing everything was hard.  I couldn't just pick up and go anytime.  My house is constantly cluttered.  Laundry is always needing to be done.  I don't cook that much because for one, I'm not that good at it and two, I hate cooking.  I can't find time to exercise and when I do finally have time, I'm too pooped to even try.  I don't have enough hands, I'm completely outnumbered and it is stressful.  I admire those mama's who have many kids, who are like Mother Earth and feed their kids wholesome meals and their houses are always spotless and they breast feed and are as skinny as a rail.  I wish I were that but I'm not.  I have found that I constantly compare myself to those mama's and just set myself up for disappointment so making it a whole year pumping was one of the greatest accomplishments in my whole life.

So on to an new era, raising an almost 8 year old, a sassy 5 year old and a 1 year old destructo.   These girls have my heart in their hands and I love them with every fiber of my being.  The hubs won't be out of town too much (crossing my fingers on this one) and hopefully this year I can concentrate on me, getting myself into a much healthier state and losing three pregnancies' worth of weight.

I feel like its going to be a bumpy ride, I need to make sure to hang on for dear life:)!!

Almost 11 months...

Tomorrow, Brooke will be 11 months.  This has been the fastest 11 months of my life!!  Where has time gone.  I guess as I get older, time will continue to fly by way more quickly than I would like it to but I can't stop it.

I don't know all of her stats but I'm guessing she is weighing about 22 lbs.  She is wearing 12 month clothes and size 3 diapers but we as soon as we finish the ones we have now, we'll be moving on to size 4.  She is an eating machine!!  She loves to eat and loves to feed herself.  We are trying to finish up all of the baby food.  She will still eat it but I can tell it's not her favorite.  We've started whole milk already and she loves it!!  I feel like transitioning solely to a sippy cup will be fairly easy.  She only takes two bottles a day now.  One in the day and one before bed.  She's only napping once a day mostly sometimes we can sneak in a second, depends on how busy the day has been.  She finally crawling on all fours.  She started doing that at 10 months and she has begun cruising around.  I feel like she'll be walking by the time she's one.  She is still sleeping well.  Thank the good Lord above, all of my children have been great sleepers!! Brooke still loves her pink blanket that her Mawmaw crocheted for her and still takes a paci although she's not obsessed with it.  She's saying of the consonant sounds and can say the words "clap, Mama, dada, caire(Claire), cat, lala(Lauren)."  She likes to point and make a high pitch noise.  She is so sweet all the time!!  Love, love, love her!!

That's pretty much it about sweet girl.  I'll have to post another time about my 10 year anniversary and our new addition, Charlie!

Where Have You Been?

It's been almost 4 months since I last blogged. That is a long time. Everyday life has seemed to completely take over so I haven't really had the opportunity or yet even the time to blog.

This winter, if we can even call it that, was riddled with sickness here. I felt like I took Brooke to the doctor every week for a month starting the last week in January. We had a stomach bug, viral infections, croup, strep throat, the crud...you name it. I was so tired of my children being sick I just prayed for spring and now it's here!!!

Lauren and Claire are doing awesome. Lauren is doing really well in school. She is growing up way too fast and by that I mean, I'm not liking the 13 year old attitude that sometimes springs out of my 7 1/2 year old's mouth. We are currently working on that, please say a prayer for me:). Claire turned 5 in March and had two birthday parties this year, both of which were a smashing success. She was sooo ready to turn 5 and now she is ready to turn 9. For some reason she is just ready to grow up (much to her mother's chagrin.) We had the dreadful 5 year checkup as well, this one I had been dreading as much as she was. It went well, she didn't kick the nurse while she was administering her shots. However, there was a lot of screaming and crying. But, overall, it was good and she got a new outfit for her Hello Kitty and ice cream.

Brooke is growing by leaps and bounds. She turned 10 months on Tuesday and that child within the last couple of weeks has begun to pull up, talk and start cruising. Ugh, not ready for any of that!! Although, I will have to say she is not growing up quite as fast as her middle big sister. Claire was walking at 10 months. She is a precious baby always so sweet. She army crawls and is fast!! She is only taking 3 sometimes 2 bottles a day now, she prefers to eat real food. Girl can scarf down 4 chicken nuggets in a heartbeat. We have to buy 3 happy meals now instead of 2:). I'm so excited, only 4 more weeks of pumping and then we get to start whole milk!!! This cow is ready to stop!! I'm so proud of myself for hanging in there but pumping for this long has been a struggle. I'm so ready to not be attached to that pump!!!!!

We are busy right now with Easter activities at school and church. I'm working an extra day now and Mark is out of town A LOT. The Magic McCain's are hanging in there!!!

Math...ugh

The class I despised the most going through school was math. I disliked it from the get go. For some reason, numbers just don't mesh well in my head. And word problems, oh my lord, I think I would rather get shot in the foot then to try and figure out a word problem. To this day, I still count with my fingers and need a calculator to do long division. Not a math person.

Lauren, I'm afraid, as developed my dislike for math as well. The past two afternoons she has come home with addition and subtraction facts and it is like pulling eye teeth to get this child to finish. Yesterday, there was nothing but tears and drama which ended up with her not being able to watch tv and going to bed early. Today, it was again, tears and drama, with her mouth being washed out with soap for being sassy and smart-mouthed (sorry for those who don't believe in that kind of punishment, I DO NOT TOLERATE sassiness at all!!!!) I am beginning to dread homework and I know its only going to get worse!!

I feel like I need to go back to elementary school just so I can learn math all over again and have more patience with her. Lauren is so tenderhearted and takes everything to heart. She just gets overwhelmed and feels like she can't do it and that is exactly how I was. I try so hard to not get frustrated with her but the constant whining and crying and DRAMA is hard to look past. (I know, its only going to get worse and I have 3 daughters!!)

Doing this little bit of math with her reaffirms my dislike for the subject, almost a hatred for it and I just wish that I could let someone else do that homework with her but since the hubs doesn't always get home at a timely manner, it falls on my shoulders. Today needs to be the last day I let my frustrations come out and I lose my patience. I need to be more compassionate with my girl and try to teach her.

I can't wait until we get into multiplication fact and fractions......;)

I've been itching to tell.....

In my last post, I eluded to some things that were going on here at the Magic McCain's and that I would post about it later, so here it is.

Back in the beginning of October one morning I was getting ready to fix Lauren's hair for school. I looked down at her scalp and saw two tiny bugs. I had to do a double take and then immediately my heart dropped. One of my worst fears had come true. We had been invaded by the LICE!!!!! I immediately stopped, told Mark, called the school and called my mom. Needless to say I panicked, starting checking Claire's hair, drilling Lauren if her head had been itching, had anyone in her class had it, etc. I sent Mark to the wally world and he dropped about $50 in lice treatment and we started our decontamination journey. We all were treated except for Brooke and I spent the whole day picking nits. I felt like a monkey picking out bugs like you see on the National Geographic Channel:).

Later that night, I called my best friend to get Lauren's hair cut. We had put so much treatment on her hair that I couldn't comb through her ends. Lauren's hair was almost to her waist. (Now, can you understand my nightmare? Claire's hair was about the same length.) We had about 4 inches cut and while we were cutting, dog if we didn't find another live one. So I immediately got on the phone with our pediatrician's office because obviously the other stuff wasn't working and they suggested using mayonnaise, olive oil and cetaphil as treatment. So that night, Lauren went to bed with a head full of mayo. That is the best treatment by the way.

While all this was going on, I sprayed her bed, washed all of her sheets, vacuumed the carpets, etc. The only thing I didn't do was bag up her toys because she didn't really play with them.

I felt like we had done everything we could to get rid of the nasty buggers. So the days went by, we checked her head and kept an eye on things. About two weeks later, I was doing a periodic check and noticed she had more nits then she should. I told her we would be treating her hair that night. We had a very busy day that day, so by the time we got home it was about 11pm. We decided to wait to treat her hair. We got them ready for bed and I had gone to the bathroom to get myself ready and was just checking out my hair. Now, let me say, I have dandruff and itchy scalp so I see little white flakes in my hair all the time. I looked and saw something that wasn't normal and tried to pull it off my hair and it didn't come off. I HAD THE LICE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got so mad!!! I rushed and got the leftover hair treatment and put it in my hair, woke Claire up and checked her head and sure enough, there were live ones on her head. So that night, they went to bed with mayo in their hair and I stayed up until 5 the next morning washing and drying all the bed linens.

This time we took no chances. We bagged everything, and I mean everything in their rooms and Mark brought home the work trailer and we put everything in there. We deep cleaned both of their rooms, bought new area rugs for their rooms, bought new pillows, deep cleaned our bedroom, you get the drift. My house got a full cleaning it hasn't seen since before I was pregnant with Brooke last year!!

This was a perfect opportunity, as well, to put Brooke in her crib and to move Claire into Lauren's room on the top bunk.

I will have to say I hate the fact that we had the lice again and this time all 3 of us girls got it but I now know you have to stay diligent with that stuff and not be lazy at all. I can safely say that at this moment we are now lice free and I can tell you I am an expert at lice decontamination!!!! We have tried so many remedies and I know what works and what doesn't.

What I hated the most about this experience was how it made me feel. I had lice in middle school and felt so ashamed and dirty. Those feelings came right back. I tried not to let that happen to my girls but I will say during this time of cleaning, I almost lost it. Between constantly cleaning, treating, de-nitting, pumping, feeding a baby, driving back and forth to numerous places, pumping, blowdrying, washing clothes, hormone shifts, pumping, I felt like I was about to lose it. I didn't though, thank the Lord. It was during this time that I realized that I don't need to worry about these things, they happen all the time and that I'm not a bad parent or a dirty parent. I can only do so much and that's all I can do.

I'm praying, PRAYING, that we don't get this again, however, being a mom of three girls who I know will have long hair for years to come, its inevitable. At least now, I'll be ready to kill the nasty things!!!!!

Whew....that time flew by fast....

Where in the world did October go? I think that was the fastest month ever!! We were a little busy around here at the Magic McCain's. We went to watch some NC State football, rode some rides at the State Fair, visited the local pumpkin patch, celebrated my birthday, and then went trick or treating for Halloween. Busy!! We had some other stuff going on to but I will save that for another post. I've enjoyed seeing the leaves change colors and the beautiful fall sky. Now we are settling in for what seems to be a fast November....so with that said, here are some pictures of our October:).

P.S. There are no pics of my birthday even though it was mentioned. Didn't really do anything spectacular except spend time with my family....that was enough:)!