School Days, School Days.....

School has begun and we are in full swing.  Back to the getting up early, homework and bedtimes.  We all have adjusted to the schedule okay but man, I miss my sleeping in.  Claire has started kindergarten and she seems to be enjoying it.  She has Mrs. Marley, who was Lauren's kindergarten teacher and I couldn't be more happy!!  She is such a great teacher and I know Claire is going to do phenomenally in her class!!  Lauren is in third grade this year and all I can say is its quite an adjustment.  Third grade is a whole different animal and we are all having a little trouble adjusting.  This is the first year of actual letter grades and testing and the teachers have a lot to teach the kids so they just throw it at them from the get go.  I don't like that at all!!  It's like they just throw the kids in the deep end and just expect them to know how to swim.  Some of the kids do just fine while others just sink and some even drown!! So far we are treading water.  I've had to talk with the teacher a few times.  Lauren is young for her grade and needs a couple of weeks to get back into the routine but I think we are slowly getting there.  She had a few issues that first week of school but I think things are getting better now.  They expect so much from the kids and I think Lauren's teacher does especially.  She is a no nonsense kind of person and I don't think she tolerates much.  That worries me with Lauren.  She is a very smart child but very sociable in the same token.  Teachers in the past knew how to deal with her but I'm not sure that this teacher does.  Hopefully as they get to know one another, she will learn what works best for Lauren and will help her do her very best.   That is all I can pray for and that I know as a parent I have to stay on top of her homework and making sure she does as she should.  I have had to let go a little and let Lauren take some responsibility for herself.  That is hard for me because I want her to be the best in all that she does, perfect even.  That's me trying to make Lauren be what I was in school and that just isn't going to happen:).  She has to be her own person and she will do just fine.  I can't make her be me. 

Brooke had her 15 month check up yesterday.  She is walking everywhere, climbing on everything, getting into EVERYTHING, and just being a plain mess:)!!  She weighs 23 lbs and is 31 in long.  I don't think she's as big as her sisters were at this age but that's ok.  She's wearing 18 month clothes, a very few 12 month and even a couple 24 month.  She is eating so well and starting to master the use of utensils.  She loves cheese, pancakes, cinnamon applesauce, rice, broccolli, ice cream and fruit snacks.  She is so funny when she wants something you are eating.  She opens her mouth like a bird and stick out her tongue and makes a "mmmm" sound.  She says "mama, dada, woof woof, " really well.  She has said a few other things but for the most part she just says Mama ALL THE TIME!!!!  Anytime she wants something its always "MAMA!!!"  When she climbs up the ladder to get to Claire's bed, which is all the time if the door isn't shut or the ladder put up, she starts calling out mama for me to come and see what she's accomplished.  She thinks she is hot stuff when she climbs up there.  She also has no regard for the word "no."  Maybe its because I say it so much it just goes in one ear and out the other with her:).  We have found that she is allergic to scented laundry detergent.  She whelps up where the clothes rub her skin and she looks like she has hives but the doctor said not to worry.  They eventually go away but look bad in the meantime.  She is just sensitive.

My weight loss is going okay.  Last week I gained 0.2 and was most disappointed but I had to consider that school started last week and I was stressed about that.  I also exercised A LOT and I think that I gained some muscle.  It could have been that we ate tacos the night before and the sodium caused some water weight.  I don't know.  But this week, I've actually eaten more and exercised less and I lost 3 pounds!!!  I'm so excited!!  My total weight loss is 18.5 pounds!!!  I've been on the program for a little over a month and I couldn't be happier with my results.  I can tell a difference in my clothes and jewelry.  I just have to keep at it.

We are heading to family camp this weekend and we are all excited except for Mark.  He's not looking forward to the lack of sleep but I think we are going to have a great time.  Just getting to hang out as a family and be amongst our church family is going to be a great time for fellowship and fun!!  Hope everyone else has a great weekend!!  I just hope I can be good while I'm there:)

Festivus....and a Virus:(

This is festivus week for Lauren.  Tomorrow is her 8th birthday!!  I can't believe it!!  We finally are able to get rid of one booster seat!!  Festivus started last Friday with a trip to the restaurant with the grapes with Nana, Aunt Allie, Aunt Heather and Cousin Michael.  We all had a good time.  Lauren received a gift card to Justice and we promptly went shopping afterwards to get her some cool clothes. Yesterday, I went and picked up Cousins Hannah and Jocelyn for a trip to Chuck E. Cheese and Coldstone Creamery and a sleepover.  Good times!! Today we will be heading to Petsmart to pick out a fish because that is the only thing Lauren has asked for this year for her birthday.  Tomorrow we are having our family party and the theme is "Brave."  We are most excited.

But, for the virus part, poor Brooke.  She woke up early Wednesday morning with a 104 degree temp.  Immediately in the bath we went and ibuprofen was given.  Later on that morning, I called the nurse line and was told it was a virus and just let it run its course.  It definitely is doing that.  Her fever goes up and then comes back down, she acts just fine and then is so clingy.  Last night was horrible.  I worked Wednesday night so I could have Saturday off and only slept for a couple of hours yesterday so I could go and get the cousins.  After our festivities, Brooke had started feeling better and didn't want to go to sleep.  I was dying.  I figured the party girls would keep me up but no, it was the baby.  She finally went down about midnight to only wake up screaming around 2:30 with another high temp.  I put her in the bed with me and needless to say, no one got a good night's rest.  She's acting ok now but I'm sure that that virus will kick start again and the cycle will start all over.  I HATE viruses!!!

Today is weigh in day too.  I lost 1.2lbs this week.  Not as much as the other weeks but I knew that would slow down.  I haven't been able to exercise at all this week and I haven't drank as much water like I know I should've.  I'm ok with it.  I wore some clothes last night that fit me a lot better and I didn't have rolls hanging out.  I made some lowfat foods for me to eat this week but I think I don't need to do that again.  I just eat too much of it.  I need to do better this coming week and step up the exercise.  So far in a month, I've lost 14.4lbs.  I'm pretty happy with that!!

Happy 8th Birthday, Lauren!!!  I love you my sweet girl!!

Weird week but ended on a good note......

This has been a weird week.  I guess because I worked this past weekend and didn't get much sleep, I feel like I have been playing catch up all week long.  Or  maybe its because this week hasn't been so nuts.  We had VBS last week every night, plus the girls had soccer games and the baby was sick. This was our last week of soccer and the girls' started dance class this week.  Whew, I'm glad to just be down to one activity now!

Diet wise, this week was weird too.  I didn't feel as gung ho has I had the past two weeks but it's probably because I'm just tired.  I stayed within my points range and did what I was supposed to do although I know I didn't drink enough water or eat enough raw veggies and fruit.  I will just have to do better this coming week.  So on to the weigh in, drum roll please.......another 3.9 pounds lost to make a total of 13.2 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I have reached a first goal which was to lose 5% of my weight.  I'm so excited!!  I haven't seen the number that came up on the scale since I was about 5 months pregnant with Brooke!!  I have now set another goal, lose 10% of my weight. I think I might be able to reach that one as well. :)  Next week, I'm planning on posting my starting picture that I took the first week and I'll take a picture one month out.  Maybe we can tell a difference, we'll see. What an awesome way to start the weekend!!!

Whew, what an Amazing Week...

This has been a crazy week.  Monday night started our vacation bible school at our church.  The theme was "Amazing Wonder Aviation."  And may I just say, it has been amazing.  I have had the privilege of teaching the preteen class and each night I have had 20+ kids.  That is awesome.  Most middle schoolers don't even attend VBS.  My group rocks!!  I have had the best time, albeit I'm exhausted but we are learning about our Amazing and Loving God and these kids are just soaking in all in.  My favorite night was Wednesday when we talked about the ABC's of becoming a Christian.  My awesome helper and I told the kids about when we asked Jesus into our hearts and it was so awesome getting to tell that to them.  I was 12 when I was saved and am so thankful that I serve a loving God!!  I hope that these kids get a blessing from this week.  We have one more night tonight and then our program is Sunday.  I have to go, just have to, even though I'm working this weekend.  I can lose a couple hours of sleep to be able to join in worship!!

Now, today is my second weigh in.  This has been a hard week.  I've eaten at McDonald's 3x and did well.  I've bypassed cake 3x since starting WW, that has been hard:). But I have stuck to my guns and stayed within my points.  I bought a digital scale last weekend so now I can know down to the tenth of what I weight so with that being said, I lost another 3.3lbs!!!!  So that makes my total 9.3lbs in two weeks!!!  I am super stoked!!!  I'm so unbelievably excited!!!  Almost 10lbs. in two weeks, amazing:).
I haven't been able to exercise like I should this week because of VBS but I will get that back going next week. Hopefully next week I'll make my first goal but I know that the weight loss will slow down some as I go on.  I'm not going to get discouraged though.  A loss is still a loss even if it's 1/10 of a pound!!!!!!  So here's to happy counting!!

The First Weight In....

Last Friday I joined WW online.  I downloaded the apps to my phone and set to counting points.  This new PointsPlus plan they have now is AWESOME!!  Bananas are a free food now, score!  It was easy getting back into the swing of things.  The one thing that I had to really cut back on was creamer in my coffee...that was traumatic.  I love me some creamer but not 10 points worth!!

I ate out 3 nights this week and was still able to make good choices. We had a birthday party at work for a coworker and there was awesome cake and goodies and I didn't eat a thing!!!  I even exercised 3 times this week.   That was good as well considering I haven't done that in a good long while.

Anyways, for the weigh in.  I don't have a digital scale but I'm going to get one later on today.  I need to know even if I lose 2 tenths of a pound, it's still a loss.  So, this week I lost 6 pounds!!!!!  I'm so excited!!!  I haven't weighed this in over a year, 14 months exactly today:)  Happy 14 Month Birthday Brookie!!  I'm stoked.  This is really going to work for me.  Mark has been very encouraging as well as the rest of my family.  My coworkers have too and my friends that know I've started have been too.  I need as much encouragement as possible!!!

I'm going to do this.  I made it the first week and that was after going to a birthday party with pizza, working night shift, eating out 3 nights, and birthday party at work.  I can say no to things I don't need and I can resist temptation.  I just have to remember that this weight loss journey is going to take a while, it's not going to come off over night.  But, losing 6lbs. this week has helped with my determination.  That is a great start and I just need to keep going.  I know as the weeks go by I won't lose quite as much each time but even a little bit lost is still a loss!

Here's to happy counting!!!

Hope everyone has a great weekend and hopefully next week, success will be great again!!

From the Mouths of Babes and then some....

This past Thursday after Lauren's soccer game, we went out to eat at our Sir Pizza.  While we were eating we got on the topic of diabetes somehow and I was trying to explain to the girls what that was and how someone can develop it, etc.  I was trying really hard not to say the word "fat."  I don't like to say that word in front of my girls, it is negative in my opinion and I don't want my girls to grow up with self esteem issues like I have.  So, in my attempt to explain to them about diabetes, I said that people who are large can develop it and soon as that came out of my mouth, Lauren looks at me and says, "Fat people like you, Mama."

From the mouths of babes, only the truth.  I sat there with my mouth wide open and then replied, "Yes, like me. People like me can get diabetes."  At that exact moment, reality hit me right between the eyes and finally saw myself for what I really look like.  My daughter, not knowing she was being unkind, brought it home for me.  I am obese and I need to do something about it.

I have struggled with my weight my entire life.  As a small child, I was skinny.  I remember looking at pictures of myself as a little one and thinking how pretty and cute I used to be.  When I began elementary school, that all changed.  I began putting on weight.  In first grade, I was the heaviest child in the whole class and I remember thinking I was fatter than all of my classmates, even at 6 years old.  That was when my need to please and become a perfectionist started, I would make everyone happy so they would like me since I was fat.

I remember boys picking on my in grade school.  My sister's used to pick on me, but I was the annoying little sister:). That continued on into middle school.  It was harder then because puberty came really quickly for me and that was something else I had to deal with.  In high school, I was always the "friend", never the "girlfriend."  I would see all of my girlfriends dating all the older boys and I can remember wishing I were like them and why didn't these boys like me in that way?  It was because I was fat.  Through my 4 years, I lost about 30 pounds.  By the time, I graduated I looked normal but I didn't think I was.  I look back now and can't believe I felt that way about myself.  I WAS normal.

Throughout college, I exercised and watched what I ate and tried to live a healthy lifestyle.  After Mark and I got married, I was blissfully happy and gained about 15 pounds.  I joined Weight Watchers a few months after we were married and lost about 25 pounds.  I was the skinniest I had ever been!!  I loved it and then we decided to start a family.  It's been down hill ever since.

I have never lost all of my pregnancy weight.  I have tried but to no avail.  So now, I'm about 80 pounds heavier than what I was before we had kids.  Last Thursday night, words spoken from my sweet girl has brought to light the denial that I have been in.  I know I'm fat, my clothes prove it.  The scales prove it. What I see in the mirror proves it.  I just didn't know what to do about it.  It was too overwhelming.

They say that breastfeeding will help you lose weight.  I never could.  The thought of trying to lose weight and maintain my supply was too daunting and so I chose to keep my milk up instead.  So for this past year, I have maintained the same weight.  I chose to make milk for my daughter instead of losing weight for myself and I made it a year as seen in my other post.  Now, I'm ready to help myself.

I don't want to look like this anymore.  I don't want my girls to have a fat mama.  I want them to have a healthy mama.  So, this past Friday I joined WW online.  It has worked for me in the past and I'm going to make it work for me now.

As I am typing this, tears are streaming down my face.  I am so ready to get this weight off and yet I'm so scared I'm going to fail as I have so many times.  I know that with hard work and determination I can do this.  Food for me is comfort, I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad.  I have to learn that food is a need and that is it.  It's going to be hard to break a habit that I have been doing for thirty three years.

I'm going to try and post about my progress on here.  My first weigh in is this Friday and I'm hoping for a good result.  I think if I have a good result it'll give me the motivation to keep going.  I also took a couple pictures of myself but I'm not ready to show those just yet.

I'm ready to focus on me.  For right now, we are done having children.  I'm ready to get my body back and do something for me.  Lauren, Claire, and Brooke need to have a healthy mama and I'm ready to give them that.  And, my hubby has also given me another reason to lose weight, we are going to NYC in December, just the two of us!!

I pray I can do this. I know the Lord helps those who helps themselves and I know that I  can do all things through Him that gives me strength. I need to always remember that!!!  This is going to be a long process but I know that.  I didn't gain it over night and I know that it's not going to come off overnight. I just pray that I don't get discouraged and that I keep my goals in check.

Here's to getting healthy!!!

An Ending to a Milk Era....

It has come to an end.  All of the hard work and determination I had for 12 months has ceased. Brooke drank her last breast milk bottle (her last bottle ever) last night.  I thawed out my last bag. It's kind of weird actually.  She's had a bottle literally every night for the past 13 months and now we are done.  I just hope that we can get her down tonight without a bottle.  Thank goodness for the paci and her blankie.:)

I made it for a whole year.  I pumped for an ENTIRE YEAR.  Do you know who awesome that makes me feel?  To accomplish a goal I set out to do even with some setbacks.  I'm so proud of myself.  Honestly, I didn't think I would make it.  Pumping was a full time job in and of itself but I was determined and doggone it, I did it!!!

I pumped for the last time on Brooke's actual birthday, May 27, 2012.  It was kind of bittersweet knowing that something I had done every day, sometimes multiple times a day was ending.  I was happy, don't get me wrong, knowing I didn't have to lug that pump everywhere I went.  I think at times I was more attached to the pump then I was Brooke.  My "girls" and I had a very intimate relationship and I will have to say I'm glad that that relationship is now over.

I look back of the last year and think how on this earth did I do it?  Juggling all the duties of a new baby, taking care of my 7 year old and her needs, my 4 year old and her needs.  Driving here there and everywhere to preschool, elementary school, dance class, church, the grocery store plus doctor visits and just every day trips.  All of this while my husband was out of town for the most part, working 18 hour days, leaving in the morning and not coming home until the kids were in bed.  I pumped through it all and I'm sure some people think it's not that big of a deal, but it was.  This past year was hard for me. For me, going from 2 independent children to 3 kids, one needing everything was hard.  I couldn't just pick up and go anytime.  My house is constantly cluttered.  Laundry is always needing to be done.  I don't cook that much because for one, I'm not that good at it and two, I hate cooking.  I can't find time to exercise and when I do finally have time, I'm too pooped to even try.  I don't have enough hands, I'm completely outnumbered and it is stressful.  I admire those mama's who have many kids, who are like Mother Earth and feed their kids wholesome meals and their houses are always spotless and they breast feed and are as skinny as a rail.  I wish I were that but I'm not.  I have found that I constantly compare myself to those mama's and just set myself up for disappointment so making it a whole year pumping was one of the greatest accomplishments in my whole life.

So on to an new era, raising an almost 8 year old, a sassy 5 year old and a 1 year old destructo.   These girls have my heart in their hands and I love them with every fiber of my being.  The hubs won't be out of town too much (crossing my fingers on this one) and hopefully this year I can concentrate on me, getting myself into a much healthier state and losing three pregnancies' worth of weight.

I feel like its going to be a bumpy ride, I need to make sure to hang on for dear life:)!!