Friday, May 6, 2011

God's Timing

It's amazing how the Lord works. Everything happens on His timetable regardless of how much we plan or in our case, don't plan. A year ago this past week, we found out we were pregnant with our third baby. Now, let me remind you, I'm a lab tech, I have access to pregnancy tests that most women don't. That is a blessing and a curse all at the same time. I can find out way sooner than most people! But anyways, let me start by saying we weren't trying to have a baby. AT ALL!! We actually had decided that we would wait until Claire was in kindergarten before we even thought of having a third child. This pregnancy took us completely by surprise. So much for me, that the night I found out, I got so upset that I almost hyperventilated at work and coughed so hard that I bruised my ribs (let me tell you, that is painful). We had no idea when we conceived this child. I called Mark from work, he was sleeping and cried my way through telling him. He told me it would be fine and would talk about it when I got home in the morning. I was very upset and didn't know how we would handle this pregnancy, where would we put this baby, etc. I really was beside myself with worry.

Well, as the week progressed I came to terms with knowing we were going to have another baby and even started to get a little excited about it. Mark was still reserved, he is that way when we get pregnant because my first pregnancy ended in miscarriage 7 years ago. I started thinking about ways to tell the girls and tell our family. Would this be our chance to have a boy? I had even called and made my first doctor's appointment. Thursday evening, I started spotting. I called my friend who had most recently had a baby to ask her about the symptoms even though I kind of new what what was going on. By Friday, I knew that we weren't pregnant any longer. I called my doctor and was told that most likely I had gotten a false positive pregnancy test and was just late. Let me tell you this, I am never late, ever! I was so angry. I took two different tests by two different methods at work and I do pregnancy tests for a living!!!!!!! I cried and cried and cried. This brought back memories from our first loss. I called my best friend and let her know because I just needed someone to talk to. Mark was sympathetic but as a man, he just doesn't understand the feelings that women do. Needless to say, it was very tough but this time around, I had two beautiful blessings that helped to take my mind off of the loss. (Later on in the day, I did some research on the Internet and we figure that we had what is called a chemical pregnancy, where the egg and sperm meet and the egg starts producing the HCG hormone but dies before it has a chance to implant.)

That was Mother's Day weekend a year ago. That was a very tough weekend. However, I made it through and received one of the greatest blessings of my life. This loss made me realize that Mark and I were meant to have another baby but this wasn't the right time. God was going to let it happen on His timetable and we were prepared for that.

On September 19, 2010, we found out we were pregnant again. This time we did know when we conceived although, we weren't trying again. Now, I'm sure that some of you will laugh at this, yeah right weren't trying. Let's just say we got caught up in the heat of the moment:). And again, we were very guarded. I had actually done a pregnancy test before I missed my period and it was negative. We didn't think we were and was actually disappointed however, sometimes modern medicine just doesn't work. Again, I was at work and took another test and this time, it was positive. It wasn't such a surprise since we knew when we had "messed up." My feelings this time around were completely different from 3 months before and I know that it was because of the good Lord.

Now we are at the end of the pregnancy and just a few short weeks away from meeting this precious baby. God knew exactly what He was doing a year ago just like He knows exactly what He is doing today. I'm glad that everything works in His timing and not mine. He is an awesome God and if you don't know Him, I encourage you to seek Him out. Regardless of the things that happen in our lives that we don't understand, He does and He has a purpose for everything. I know that one day, I'll get to meet those two precious souls in Heaven and I take comfort in knowing that they are up there with Him.



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